Sunday, June 4, 2023

Traveling…

I have always wanted to travel abroad, learning that my grandmother and grandfather immigrated from Sweden might have been the first notion of the idea. Sending my daughter to stay with a friend in Scotland was a big influence. Then sealing the deal was when a friend would regale me with details of hikes taken with her father in the UK. That friend mentioned hiking there this summer and I was in! The trip is approaching quickly and I find myself in an interesting place. Anxious, excited, yet savoring the days at home. Seems like the idea of leaving home makes you appreciate it all the more. The time with family, hanging out with my husband enjoying conversation. Having the opportunity to enjoy watching my oldest granddaughter’s piano recital (she played beautifully by the way). Making pancakes for my grandson. This morning’s walk with happy dogs who are always up for the adventure! Noticing the billowy clouds tucked right up against the mountains with a hint of blue to the west. Knowing that there is time for teaching yoga classes, bike rides and sessions at the gym before I’m off!


I imagine this approaching adventure will fly by. Anxiousness is evident in the thought, ‘I’ll believe I’m going when I’m actually on the plane!’ Remembering June 2020 when there were big travel plans, New York, the Big Apple! Well that year a lot of travel plans for a lot of people didn’t happen. It was a thing. It passed, we (my family and I) are more or less functioning similar to the years prior to COVID but there is an awareness that these things, these ideas, these plans are never guaranteed. Life is not a guarantee. Your life, how you think it should go is not a guarantee. People know this…where do you think we get all the sayings “…the best laid plans, don’t count your chickens before they hatch…you get the idea. 


Moving forward and mindfully taking a moment to focus, make the most of the day. Slowing my breath, being thankful for the rain, family, friends, my body that moves well. Joyfully hoping that I will be privileged enough to take this trip and find the gratitude to make the most out of my time with my friends on our journey. This travel will be life altering and illuminating. Find perspective. It is not everyday one gets to see another part of the world and meet some of the people who inhabit it!

Tuesday, June 29, 2021

....wind in my sails

 Trips, they sure do take the wind out my sails. Sheesh. I wonder if there is just so much visually that it takes some time to process. Today is Tuesday, I’ve been home since Saturday evening. I only now feel like writing. I only now am beginning to feel like myself again. Strange isn’t it?!

So now that I’m feeling like myself again I find I have goals again. Seriously I felt rather listless. I realized I have built a life and when I am away from ‘my life’ and all the things I love I function a bit on autopilot. I was still a bit on autopilot until this morning when I lay in bed, finding gratitude for the ones I love I noticed teeny tiny goals sneaking into my consciousness!! Yay! 

I want to contribute, I want to be of value and feel valued. Negative messages tend to negate those feelings. Well, no more!!



















Friday, June 18, 2021

Baseball

 ...got to watch my favorite team today, the San Francisco Giants!! It was on tv but still, woo hoo! As I prepare to head to the Bay Area Sunday I am reminded of all the wonderful trips I’ve had out there. Teresa has always been such a good hostess. Booking, showing, taking us several lovely places. This trip we are in for a ride down the coast to the Monterey Bay Area to a convention center called Asilomar. Evidently Hemingway did some writing there. We will be close to Canary Row. I must read the book! A little kayaking, walking, hiking, wine trials, different foods. This will be a nice ‘retirement trip’. 

Kayaking


Kayaking at Pueblo Resevoir
I surely do like to kayak! My friend Susan and I kayaked weekly last summer and it was a blast. The Pueblo reservoir has lots of inlets and coves on it’s southern side. We would put in and just explore. Today was nice and it was Jamie, the girls and Joe. I hope to get out a lot more. We shall see!





 

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Mom

 


Mom

She has dementia or so they said, I wonder if it wasn’t the after effects of COVID-19. She wasn’t herself because of course she had no visitors. To me she always seemed to thrive with family around. She wasn’t thriving, according to the doctor’s test, she was experiencing some dementia. Just take this pill, but don’t stop taking it as then you’ll really loose ground. So now there is this woman who says ‘I don’t know’ very frustrated. Well mom, I do know, so I began to tell you:

You were born in Laramie, Wyoming. Your dad built a house there, (I’ve seen it). While he was building this house your family lived in the garage through some very hard times. The cold, providing meals and meeting basic sanitation needs must have been pretty tricky. You left Wyoming while you were young and were none too happy about it. In fact recently you told me the neighborhood kids were playing baseball as you left. That was a pretty specific detail I had been unaware about. You knew that!!! 

Your family moved to Denver. There was your older brother Robert, your younger sister Jean, your mom and dad. Your dad was a golfer and played at Cherry Creek and Wilshire golf courses. He’d work all day and then come home and play. (Evidently your mom wasn’t too happy however this fact made my husband’s life happier as I just figured it’s what women did, understand their husband’s hobby). At one point Grandpa Roy even owned President Eisenhower’s golf cart! Your family had a house in Cherry Creek and I imagine it was one of the firsts. You’ve actually showed us at one point but I couldn’t begin to know where it is now. It had a big plate glass window that one time you drove a golf ball right through and then went and promptly hid from your dad, I don’t blame you, however neither did he. I imagine he was quite kind from your descriptions. Your mom however must have been the backbone, as it sounded like she took care of so much! More on that later.

You told stories of hi-jinx with your brother. There was the sneaking into the ice skating rink where you left your bluebird cap (younger camp fire girls attire) I think it was. Only to have to go later to the owner and apologize for sneaking in so that you could get your cap back. Or the time when your arm got caught in the wringer of the washing machine. You also showed me that contraption, no wonder it left a scar! How about the time your brother took you on his motorcycle and your leg got burned?

There were adventures with friends learning to kayak in a swimming pool. Dates with boys that you never gave to many details about. But you did still have the jewelry. Something came from Korea and then there was an ivory bracelet. A marriage that was never consummated and therefore annulled. Meeting my father when you worked in Elizabeth and you two were the only single teachers at the school so naturally others fixed you two up. Moving to Wray, Colorado, having a baby...me. Moving to Denver for a bit perhaps and living in a house Uncle Bobby owned and then landing in Canon City where dad got a job, uncle Bobby loaning you two money to afford the house that I live in that you eventually bought. Having a second little girl. We did live in the duplex closest to the park first. I remember standing between the bumper and the car putting rocks in a metal tray that ran along the bumper. Which of course is my memory but I’d like to imagine you were watching and surprised that I was so content to put rocks in and take them out of this tray on the 1959 convertible Volkswagen. To back up a bit, this car was yours and prior to your even meeting dad you took it to Uravan (somewhere on the western slope of Colorado) to teach along with your dog Misty. You two busted through snow drifts on your way to and fro. You also mentioned a pet bird in these travels. 

You were a very motivated young lady, working at the telephone company where your father worked. Going to school at DU for starters. It got to be a bit too much pressure on yourself and I’d like to think you just needed to have someone help you pace yourself. Somewhere in there your dad retrieving you at your camp counseling job when life became to much.Things were different then. You ent to UNC (Greeley) to get your lifetime teaching certificate, dad got his there also however you two didn’t know each other, wasn’t that interesting?

Life was a bit of a roller coaster ride I imagine. You and dad, both with your own ideas. He worked, you came to that later, working in pre-schools and at one point getting hired to finally teach, you dreamed of this only to have St. Michael’s close their school down and you not getting that opportunity. I do think you did teach prior to meeting dad. You didn’t tell much except one story about the principal telling you that you needed to be stricter. Seemed like you spoiled us in your own way. We knew we were loved.

You used to sing songs to me and sing them over and over to the point that I couldn’t hear you sing without either asking you to stop or cringe inwardly. Well lately you have just one song you sing to me: I love you, a bushel and a peck...it doesn’t quite sound the same and you seem to get a bit frustrated but I hear you and you KNOW that song mom, you know I love you. 

...I cried

...in the store today, a woman set out to go in front of me, I waited, she said ‘no you go’. I said no, it’s okay you go. This woman and her husband were black. They were so beautiful. Why would anyone insist on going, they were first, why would she offer? I cried when I got to the car. I know I am tired. But I also know this injustice has always been close to my heart.

White privilege, I’ve heard about it. It is a thing. Where would this woman and her husband be had we not had generations of racism, that is actually too sugar coated, horror is more like it. Have you read any books that black authors have written? I’ve read some of the easier ones but the reality I’m sure is much worse. I could barely stomach Uncle Tom’s Cabin. I’ve always been saddened by mistreatment of black people. 

Then I saw them at the post office. I recognized her by her pants but truly to be honest because she was black as our town has limited folks who are black, this is also so sad to me, what a great loss of diversity. 

As I got into my brand, new to me, Armada I watched them get into their dusty older SUV. 

Wondering if roles were reversed where I would be? I don’t imagine ever having the mental toughness to have been in this world and been ‘different’. Or perhaps their situation is not as I perceive. I do wish to be a change for good perhaps one day we will have a world that has more peace and love. A little less global warming would be great too. Let’s all wake up a bit.

Friday, March 27, 2020

Goals

Well I set two goals and I believe I have accomplished and will accomplish them. It is rather interesting to me how I tried to self sabatoge and not move forward at all. I had an idea and then because I didn't receive instant gratification I decided the idea wasn't worth doing. Then I woke up and decided, yes indeed they were worth doing and darn it, I was going to do them. Lesson learned, keep an lid on that negative voice as she certainly does not what she's talking about! Setgoals, accomplish them and set more goals!